These days we are all caught up in our own lives and focused on our self-centered needs. Yes we are a selfish world indeed, at least most of us. So how do we fight off this selfishness and narcissism? With the attitude of gratitude of course! Getting grateful is the key to wealth and health in the long term.
Narcissistic Tendencies
Narcissism is characterized as a need for admiration. It’s reaching epidemic proportions in our society. Find out, How to Escape Narcissism after 40. Narcissism isn’t just about looking in the mirror too long, and it’s not about just trying to look great around people. It’s way more insidious than that. Are you Narcissistic? If so, not only our your relationships probably inauthentic, but your business is probably suffering as well. I have to tell you something that’s a little embarrassing. I was really Narcissistic to the point where my friend and I would slam a few beers and flex in the mirror. We called the place where the mirror was the “Narcissist Kitchen” because the mirror was next to my kitchen.
A few years later, I thought it would be clever to call myself Erik Narcissist for my first full-length album. Erik Narcissist Of course the music wasn’t great, I’m technically just a drummer, but I did all the instruments and released it. Erik Narcissist crumbled and so did my ego. Even my dad thought my music sounded like one big cat fight. Deep inside, I am really insecure and most of my narcissistic antics were behind closed doors and no one was around, But look around you in your life. It’s all over the media. You have to be almost self-absorbed to be an actor or celebrity. It’s almost considered cool to be an asshole. This type of media influences our life on a subconscious level. Things are getting crazy, where I believe we have two parties, one is getting more spiritual and mindful, whereas the other party is getting into wilder destruction, more abusive sex, stronger drug addictions and a fiercer hate to other races. But, this gets even deeper. Humans naturally think about themselves 90 percent of the time. If you are suffering from social anxiety, like I was, you’re probably worrying too much about what others think of you.
The truth of the matter is that almost no one is thinking about you when you enter the room. They are busy thinking if they left the oven on, or if they look good, or if they seem nervous to you. It’s our instincts that make us want to avoid danger and seek pleasure. But, these instincts can get out of control. It got so bad that I had a panic attack at my family’s dinner table. That felt so scary that I never wanted to eat with my parents again. How crazy is that? This effects are businesses as well. Is your fear so bad that it makes you not want to succeed? Whenever I picture myself being a very successful leader in network marketing, the first thing I think to myself is: “I’m not speaking on stage.” This fear of ‘how do I look’ paralyzes us. It makes it so we rather stay home than interact with others. The people who do embrace their fears go onto become successful, but they become “self-less.” Narcissism also ties into social deviation, like with Sociopaths. Ted Bundy is a good example of a Sociopath. He was a great actor in leading his prey to wherever he wanted to kill them. He didn’t care about other humans at all, but had the perfect smile. ted Narcissism isn’t cool and it’s not hip to be uncaring and self-absorbed. And, it seems the older we get, and don’t practice the tips I’m going to share with you below, the worse it gets. That’s why this post addresses people over 40, like me, but this post pertains to anyone who feels self-absorbed. How do we get less absorbed and love others the way we should?
5 Ways To Avoid Narcissism And Selfish Thinking
1. Exercise Thinking Of Others First
Changing the way we think is like exercising a new muscle. It’s hard to do in the beginning, but gets easier over time. Before you go to work or go socialize, think of all the news and stories these people told you last time you spoke with them. What you want to do is bring up those points when you see them. For example, you’re going to see John in an hour. You remembered he spoke about trying a new restaurant last time you saw him and that his wife was having Migraines. Bring up those points when you see him. Right away. Don’t interrupt him. Let him speak as long as he wants. If you are meeting someone completely new do research on them before you meet. Find their blog or website online and write down key points that interest you. Formulate at least 5 questions you can ask when you meet them. Thinking of others first not only impresses others considerably, but it gets your mind off of you, the main thing causing anxiety.
2. Mindfulness
Mindfulness can be achieved by staying in the moment. This means not thinking at all about what you have to do later, but grounding yourself in this moment right now. It means really listening to others speak and hearing their words, not what you are going to say next. It means really looking into someone’s eyes and not looking away at other distractions.
3. Cut Out The Drama
Cutting out the drama can mean a lot of things, but some of the most important things to cut out are: drugs and alcohol, cheating, porn, masterbating, gossiping, sitcoms and other fictional tv shows, anger, negative self-talk, etc. People are prone to distraction. They actually seek distractions to escape thinking about themselves truthfully. Our minds believe what we see, and if you watch porn for example, you are literally cheating on your significant other, or if you’re single, you’re desensitizing yourself for when you do meet someone special. Drugs and alcohol destroys our reasoning and inhibits us to true connect with ourselves and others. That’s why I was so anxious for so many years. I had always used alcohol in social situations, always. So, when I finally sat down to have dinner with my parents, after a few years of sobriety, all that stuff I repressed for so many years surfaced in that moment and I freaked out. It’s uncomfortable, but honestly looking inward at yourself is the best thing you can do.
4. Meditation
I began meditating full time a month ago. It’s literally a miracle. Sitting still and quieting your mind is the most powerful thing you can do to bring back the joy in your life, real joy, not getting so-called happy from burgers and the Simpsons. Meditating might seem like you’re just sitting there, but when you do it for awhile you go deeper into unexplored worlds. It’s easy to do, but most people think it’s a joke. Again, this is changed my life. I noticed a big drop in my anxiety and a real genuine confidence emerge. This points will help you become more genuine, caring, mindful, loving and selfless, which will not only help your personal life, but it will rocket your business!
5. Get Grateful
Have you been going through some tough times? Feeling very angry, scared, depressed, anxious, or jealous? Are these emotions overloading you and making you feel incapacitated? While healthy and normal in small amounts, if these emotions are out of balance it can certainly lead to some obvious mental and psychological issues, as well as physical issues like high blood pressure, higher cortisol levels, increased bodyfat storage, excess muscle breakdown, decrease in energy, and decreased workout performance. If you have an addiction, these unchecked emotions may cause you to pick up again. I know I personally have been very selfish and always on the lookout for #1 in the past, and it doesn't help anyone including you. Part of my selfishness has stemmed from lack of gratitude for all the things I do have, and I often need to remind myself of all the great things I have in my life by filling out a gratitude list daily. A gratitude list reminds you of everything you have to be thankful for, and takes you out of yourself and your problems for a bit. You can keep one online, in a journal, or just use any spare piece of paper. Depending on how you feel and how much time you have, you write down each day things that you are glad you have in your life either that day specifically, or just life in general. I guarantee it will be a tool to help make you feel better. They have even done studies that just writing a gratitude list can lower blood pressure by over 10 points! Now that is powerful and frugal my friends!
New Year / Annual / Thanksgiving / Christmas / Holiday / Birthday Gratitude List Example
- Happy to be alive, healthy, and sober -Ability to pray to my Higher Power and go to Church - A roof over my head, bed to sleep in, and car to drive - Family unconditional love and support - Support and understanding from friends and roommates - Great online support - Pets - Free Support groups - My companies and members of Frugal Finance - My past and present personal training, social media, and consulting clients - Everyone who has ever helped me out and given me a second (or third, fourth or fifth) chance - The ability to help others There are clearly more things that I am missing but the point is I'm so grateful for everything I have had and do have in my life, and glad to be on the right side of the grass. So try and keep up with your gratitude lists and journal every day and focus on the things you do have, and not the things you lack.
Get the attitude of gratitude and it will help your wealth and health!
